


Sabriel Kaar

by hyperionnebulae



Category: Exalted (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Abuse, Bullying, Child Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Parent/Child Incest, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 21:11:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperionnebulae/pseuds/hyperionnebulae
Summary: Some collected short pieces I wrote on a solar/akuma oc.





	1. Chapter 1

_Why is everyone always so concerned with what they are instead of who they are? Mortal. Solar. Akuma. Man. Woman. Blonde. Brunette. These are words. They tell me nothing about you ._

_Pain doesn’t define you . Your past doesn’t define you . You are the only one who gets to decide the you ._

_Everyone keeps saying “[this thing] happened to me, so that’s why I act like this” but that is a false statement. The truth is that you decided that’s how you are going to interact with the world now. It was a conscious decision._

_To be frank, you decided you were going to be a dick because someone once was a dick to you, and you somehow think that is completely reasonable._

_Fuck you. That’s a petty excuse!_

_I frankly do not care what your damage is or how bad it is; you do not get to pass your judgement on others because you’re in pain. Your pain entitles you to shit!_

_Get out of my face and leave my friends alone._

_\------------------_

The tent had been trashed; what was perfectly pristine on the outside was simply not the case under the flap. Broken glass and pottery littered the floor. Some of the remains of the once pitchers and saucers dripped in sweat and blood. It is quite unclear if, the blood at least, was intentional or on accident.

The posts holding up the structure bore the gouging of many sharp blades, some of which were still stuck in the wood.

Clothing was splayed out everywhere, much of it torn and stained with dirt and blood. Likewise, there were bandages that could be found in similar condition. The bed had seen better days, as well. It appeared to have been flipped, broken, repaired and then broken again.

There were pits in the ground that, had you not known better, you would have assumed someone had created with a shovel and not their own hands.

Anything that wasn’t more easily breakable also showed signs of distress. Metal cookware was dinged and dented. The before mentioned knives were not quite straight to their handles.

And yet, despite all of the inherent chaos, the tent’s inhabitant was silent. She sat on the ground with her hands in her lap, eyes closed, breathing slowed, and, from a more focused point of view, at peace.

A broader glance over her and one would notice colorful bruises up her arms and shallow cuts across her face. Her hands were wrapped expertly and with the utmost care, to allow full range of motion even as the bandages were soaked a deep crimson.

Surprisingly, her uniform had not been stained, ripped or noticeably wrinkled. Her gloves lay in her lap, the same sort of miraculously clean.

Next to her, on the ground, lay a picture frame. The glass was shattered but it held no visible likeness to destroy, just an empty frame. Underneath it was a piece of parchment; the words written on it were now illegible, smudged by a mix of sodium infested living water. The pinkish tint of the paper radiated out from a bottom corner. There was a jagged tear across here but also the only legible writing.

_The signature read “ _Captain Daemian Heathe_ ”. _


	2. Interlude: A Girl Who Reads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: This is the chapter with the child rape scene.

Sabriel hated _that_ name. It was her father’s name. Her father that was never around? Yes, that father. He had left her, a wharf rat, with his name.

On top of that, it wasn’t as if she fit in here. Her hair was golden while her sisters’ was dark and purplish. Well, they were half sisters and his new wife wasn’t very fond of her. Sabriel ended up being pushed away from doing anything as nothing would satisfy the woman’s taste.

An-Teng wasn’t all that bad, in truth. Sure the Dragonblooded scum were present constantly. Sure they expected the ordinary citizens to bend to their every whim. (What were they to do about it? Most of the city’s income was based off of this trade.) At least, the temples provided some peace. At least, there was fresh air. At least, there was the sea.

At the age of five, Sabriel was perhaps a bit young to work on board a ship but that didn’t stop her from trying. She would stand in line on the docks hoping that just once some captain would stop in from of her and declare that she was a seaman like all the others that were chosen. At five she already had enough reason to leave and be free.

Being the only one with a penis in a house full of vaginas was… well, she got a lot of attention but not the right kind of attention for a five year old who didn’t want that kind of “honor”. It started around her cousin’s birthday. Ceilly had just turned 13 and Sabriel’s aunt and stepmother figured this would be as good a time as any to teach all the young women about the fairer sex.

When asked to strip naked Sabriel just figured it was to bathe, maybe she had gotten dirty running around. The gasps of her young relatives soon convinced her that this was not the case. She asked if she could put her clothes back on and was slapped across the face.

And then her aunt grabbed and prodded her sensitive parts. Size was commented on. Firmness was commented on. It felt strange and it was uncomfortable. Sabriel opened her mouth and was told to shut it.

Her aunt then started to demonstrate how it was used, taken in mouth, taken in hand, and then she asked for volunteers. The giggly girls were not objecting and each took a turn in Sabriel’s personal trauma.

The whole affair lasted maybe an hour and was repeated 2 to 3 times a week. Every session ended in Sabriel puking out her last meal. She started bathing with clothes on and she started to look somewhat sickly. Unfortunately, this didn’t change the scheduling. She was five and she needed to get out of here.

\----------

“Damien, you’re la…”

“Don’t call me that!”

The young boy looked surprised and then sighed. Sabriel knew that it had been a long day at home for her friend. Yeden’s family worked the largest bathhouse in An-Tang. The lad had probably spent the morning scrubbing the floors to perfect cleanliness or polishing the marble tubs, among other things. This day was the start of the major Dragonblood vacation season; in fact, that was what this whole meetup was about, to watch the boats dock and unload. It was a bit of a tradition for the two youngsters. However, such meet-ups were often delayed.

“What would you like me to call you, today?”

“Just Heathe is fine; the less I’m reminded that my blasted father deserted me in this hell hole the better.”

Sabriel took a deep breath and pulled out an old spy glass.

“So what’s the scoop; any of the blood suckers landed yet?”

Yeden, shot Sabriel a disapproving look and then rolled his eyes and relaxed.

“Nobody has officially docked yet but it looks like some… gents… of House Sesus will soon. Cynis isn’t expected for another day or so. Ledaal is rumored not to show at all. V’neef and Ragara are about a mile out of port, according to the watchers. Mnemon…”

Yeden continued on. Sabriel really didn’t care about which important individuals were arriving late due to what “catastrophic emergency” or the new gossip of weddings to be taking place or scandalous affairs are going on, but, she let Yeden prattle on. He had worked hard for the information and working at the bathhouses certainly had benefits.

When it was appropriately polite to do so, Sabriel raised her glass again and scanned the docks. It seemed as if one of boats had just docked. She could make out the Sesus colors and a whole lot of guards; there must be someone especially important on this ship. The armed men looked weary next to the large animals they were leading off the ship, who were eager to be on land again. Some other guards were attempted to clear the crowds working on the dock; it wasn’t an easy task, with An-Tang being a large port city, but some particularly vile threats and a few precise blows seemed to get most people’s attention and the mass of people was hastily clearing. That was except…

“Yeden, there’s kids down there!”

“… we are kids…”

Sabriel pushed her glass in his face and pointed to the toddlers wandering around in the streets. He shook her lose.

“It’s going to be fine; try not to do anything rash.”

Sabriel’s eyes were glancing back and forth between the skittish animals and the infant citizen’s of An-Tang. She pushed her stuff over in her friend’s direction and took off down the hill that was their vantage point.

At the bottom of the hill, she had to work much harder to push through the swarm of people trying to get away from the guards, many of whom were many times her age of seven and had the weight and height to make Sabriel feel small and barely significant. People in the crowd barely noticed her passing as crushed toes and bruises were so common in these situations. Sabriel broke free of the majority of the swarm and stopped to get her bearings.

Just as she spotted the two tiny children dancing in the road she heard a whiny and a yell confirming her prediction of the animals getting loose. Sabriel practically flew across the street scooping up the kids and depositing them to the side as the animal very nearly ran her over. She looked back at the animal as she landed in the dirt.

A large man grabbed her by the collar and lifted her into the air. Sesus colors for sure but they were the worn, less respected type. Also this man was not a guard; he wore something much more regal and authoritative. He glared seemingly into her soul and growled, “Name?”

Sabriel barely managed to breathe out, “Heathe.”

He continued to glare for a moment and then said, “Go home to your mother”, and threw her out of the street.

Sabriel landed hard but nothing was broken and she picked herself up and ran back to the vantage point. Yeden had scattered but that was really for the better. She picked up the stuff she had left and booked it.

\------------------

She slowed down her pace as she reached the library at the corner of her block and pushed open the giant doors. The smell of old books filled her nostrils and she breathed it in smiling. She caught sight of the librarian and reached into her bag for the returns. It hadn’t taken her very long to finish these as she had taken them out the day before. They had been good reads so she was a bit remorseful to return them.

She placed the volumes on the main desk and the old man looked up from his cataloging.

“Good morning, sir. I’ve come to return the books I borrowed.”

“Done already?”

“Oh, I couldn’t put them down! Have you got anything new?”

“Not since yesterday…”

Sabriel caught sight of a volume on the shelf next to the desk. It was a particular green color and the pages were especially ruffled. She knew that if you opened the book you could smell the peach tea someone had once spilled on it and that the last few pages would crackle loudly when you turned them.

“That’s alright. I’ll take THAT one.” She pointed to the book.

“But you’ve read it five times already...”

“It’s my favorite! Far off places, daring sword fights, death and betrayal…”

“Well, if you like it all that much, it’s yours!”

Sabriel’s mouth dropped to the ground and her eyes just about popped out of her head.

“You’re serious…?”

“Positive, I’ve got to put away that old volume anyways, what with the dragonbloods here. I won’t even miss it.” He smiled kindly and looked at the clock and started. “You should run along home, I’ve got a lot of work to do. Sesus may not be interested in the library but some of the dynasts are and this is… unacceptable…”

Sabriel smiled and waved while walking out the door. She also just about skipped home.

\--------------------

Sabriel opened the front door to her house with an audible hum. The surprize gift had put her in such a good mood that she walked through the house completely oblivious to how empty and quiet it was and barely noticed her room door was ajar. She walked through and promptly froze in her tracks.

Her room was not empty and it was not how she left it. Scattered across the floor were hundreds of pieces of paper. Empty leather bindings were thrown around in disarray. The drawers she shared with her siblings were all pulled out and the contents falling out. Some of the clothing was ripped.

That wasn’t what stopped her cold though. What sent a jolt through her nervous system was the fact that her bedding was crinkled up and torn, but still on the bed, and that her mother was lying naked on top of it.

Sabriel let out a breath and went to turn and leave but the door closed and clicked behind her. She whirled; one hand found the doorknob and tried to wrench it open. There was a rustle in the direction of the bed followed by a hand stroking her thigh. Sabriel dropped the bag and it’s contents on the floor. She seemed to be frozen in place as her clothes were worked off of her.

“... I’m having a man… over later… must… get ready…”

Sabriel closed her eyes. Those were the last words she had wanted to hear. She racked her brain for a way out of this and found nothing. Nothing save a book.

_Orphaned at the age of ten, Han’ya lived on the streets of Stone Circle. She was a talented dancer and by the age of seventeen she had acquired quite the reputation._

Once Sabriel’s clothes were on the floor, Dayna Heathe pressed her daughter against the surface of the door and grinded against her ass, nipping at her ears. She used her hands to push Sabriel’s legs apart and fumbled around searching for the balls and penis.

_When Han’ya was twenty, she fell in love with a caravan merchant and fell in love. They married in Nexus the following year and, after four years, bore a son. They lived happily together for ten years until Wyld barbarians came, killed her husband, and took her son prisoner._

When Dayna found what she was looking for she stroked the parts while kissing and biting down Sabriel’s back. After two years of this, the act still made Sabriel shiver and Dayna always took this to mean exactly what it wasn’t and applied more pressure to the bites and strokes. Sabriel tried hard to use the doorknob and frame as anchors to pull her away from her mother but the older woman was much stronger. Sabriel soon found herself nearing the bed and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

_Han’ya traveled to Chiaroscuro in a rescue attempt but arrived just in time to witness all the prisoners (including her son) being sacrificed. At that moment, Han’ya became Anathema; the Unconquered Son spoke to her and she exalted. She slaughtered the entire tribe for what they had done. She was found in their remains, three days later, by a traveler._

Dayna pushed her daughter on to the bed, holding her legs down with her arms and bracing Sabriel’s head down into the covers between Dayna’s legs. She rode her for a bit like that, moaning every time Sabriel choked or tried to push away. Dayna heard the snap that must have been a broken nose and shoved Sabriel’s penis down her throat.

_Not knowing what else to do, Han’ya returned to Stone Circle where they had largely forgotten her. She changed her trade from dancing to priesthood and gathered quite the following in the months that followed. The Immaculate temples were angered greatly by this and riots broke out all over the city. Her and her followers were driven out of the city. After a year, they discovered a solar manse in the wilderness and transformed it into a monastery. Another year passed, Han’ya brought her followers and those converted back to reclaim Stone Circle. An earthquake had destroyed it and the few people left helped her rebuild the city._

Danya pulled away to switch positions and Sabriel gasped for breath. Her sex organs had betrayed her and gone hard; it didn’t take long for her mother to push the penis inside of her and ride her that way. Sabriel still hadn’t gathered enough strength to turn her head and vomit.

_Now called Graceful Rowan, Han’ya returned to the manse to find all of those she left there slaughtered. She was surprised to find her son waiting for her in the front hall. Before she could speak, he explained that he was in a deathlord’s service now. He indicated the surrounding carnage as a message he was sent to deliver. She fell to his feet weeping that she couldn’t believe him. He explained that he had been shown the truth, that all things will die and life is just suffering. Rowan refused to accept this and he called her naive to think they weren’t similar in this way; they both served their gods. She spit back at him that a deathlord is not a god. He told her that he understood if they must fight and she tried to get him to stay calling out his name. He responded angrily saying that he was no longer her son and renounced that name._

There was a knock on the door and Danya leaped off of Sabriel, pulling her up and pushing her towards the sound. “Answer it.” Sabriel stumbled over and fumbled with the knob which eventually turned and opened. She was mortified to find she was staring into the face of the man from earlier. He smirked as he looked her over all covered in blood, sweat, and intimate liquids. From behind, her mother shoved Sabriel’s bag at her and growled, “Get out.” Sabriel didn’t not need to be told twice.

_Graceful Rowan called her followers back to the manse and spent the six months reclaiming it from the shadowland it had become. They then returned to Stone Circle to find it under siege by an army lead by none other than her son. She spent the rest of her life fighting to free the city and redeem her son. It is said that her and her followers hid in the catacombs beneath and found many time lost artifacts and books of lore. It is not written if this was a successful mission._

Sabriel turns the book over and runs her fingers over the embroidered depiction of Graceful Rowan’s anima. It is a picture of a giant tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graceful Rowan story taken from the Exalted Wiki.  
> http://exalted.xi.co.nz/wiki/Han%27ya/Graceful_Rowan


	3. Interlude: The Survivor

Sabriel started dressing as a woman around the time she was selected as a cabin-girl on a boat. The excitement in her eyes was palpable, her hands were shaking, and her breath caught in her throat. Honestly, it wasn’t even that she was getting away of that nightmare at home but the promise of the open area and finally being able to breathe that in.

She found out that being a seaman was no picnic. The sound of the proreus’ voice woke her up every morning reminding her of all the shit-work she had to do that day and just how unworthy the lot of them were for it. She didn’t mind it too much though and she fit in well enough, got all or most of her work done, and gained her sea legs rather early on in the adventure (or that’s how she thought of it anyways). She was never the one hurling over the side when they hit a wave wrong and she was immensely grateful for this because she needed all the food she took in and had undoubtedly thrown up enough for a lifetime, in the last five years.

And then there were the stars. She woke up early and worked her butt off in order to stay up late and stargaze. The stars were her reminder that the world was so vast and had such a history. How many others had looked at these same stars? No, she didn’t much care about that. As far as she was concerned these glowing balls of gas shown for her. It made her feel less alone and gave her hope. Someday she would do great things. Someday she would be a hero and be likened to these heavenly bodies and that would be life changing, life completing. It was only a matter of time.

\--------------

It turns out that some captains and some crews don’t particularly care for people with male appendages who dress as women. In fact, it is safe to say that many of them are down-right hostile towards such individuals. Sabriel had been beaten to within an inch of her life and kicked off no less than twelve different ships in the course of the five years she had been working on such ships. That isn’t to say she hadn’t been aboard a variety of different faction’s ships including, but not limited to, ships controlled by Lady Merta, Master Ciore, Ledaal Calin, and Lallimes. None of these big names the captain of the ships she was on and as such she never met any of them in person, but you would think they would have different philosophies or at least more creative ways at dealing with what they considered “unwanted cross-dressing scum” but that would be a lie.

And yet Sabriel didn’t give up her quest. At this point she knew that she was at least a halfway decent sailor and there was bound to be someone at dock who would hire her and keep her for at least a few months. After that she would probably have to find another job again.

She looks over the rest of the individuals in the line with her. Several of the men and women to her right were obvious landsmen who wouldn’t last five minutes on open water before their last meal came up. A few to her left had most likely seen white water before and it had hardened then. Ex-military maybe? The rest were harder to place exactly but most likely, if picked, everyone in this line, including her, were to be chosen for most grueling jobs on board. No one here was officer material, that was for sure.

A middle-aged man walked in front of them; Sabriel missed his name. His kubernetes picked her and 5 or 6 others from the group of people standing there. They were then lead to a ship that could have been at the peak of technology but looked as if it had fallen into disrepair, a large merchant ship. She hoped that a new carpenter had been chosen as a new addition to the crew.

It was the first time in about a year that she had been on a ship this large. With a length of around 190 feet and a width of about 60, this ship could hold as many as 40 crew members in relative comfort. While she quickly calculated that it only needed 12 trained seamen to run the thing, Sabriel knew that those in charge would keep the numbers of hands on deck closer to 25 or 30. She let out a low whistle and one of her other new crew-mates nodded in agreement.

The ship was being fitted for large amounts of cargo to trade all over the ocean so this was going to be a rather long voyage in total; the ship would only make port at most once a month over the next year. It was a good gig as far as gigs go; now all Sabriel had to do was stay under the radar and do whatever jobs were thrown her way.

\--------

A month or two into the journey, Sabriel had learned quite a bit about her shipmates. Other than the captain and the kubernetes, most of crew were women. This wasn’t usual in the slightest but because of the increased amounts of people on the boat, Sabriel had to try harder to stay out of their way. Most were alright and paid her little to no mind as long as she stayed out of their way but the topsmen liked to make her feel especially awkward by tripping her up any chance they got. Topsmen were an annoying enough lot on their own and it did not help that their master strutted around like a peacock.

Sabriel usually worked with the foremast jacks or the afterguard, doing whatever needed to be done. It was crap work but it meant that when she wasn’t on shift she could nap in her bunk or gaze up into the heavens. It seemed like forever since Sabriel had been on open sea; she had missed seeing the stars that were diluted by the rays of lighthouses. She could see them now though.

Sabriel stood up and was about to head to the kitchen for a mid-night meal when she felt her legs come out from under her. Her arm came out to stop her head from hitting the deck. Three of the most troublesome topsmen were coming out shift and this was their hello. Great…

Two of the girls laughed as the strongest of them hoisted Sabriel off her feet by her uniform collar. There was humor in the woman’s eyes as the fabric tore and she dropped by to the floor, not even bothering to try and catch herself. The girl on the right kicked her hard in the rib cage and the wind was knocked out of her lungs. Before she could catch her breath, a punch was delivered to her right cheek. One of them grabbed her by the hair and forced Sabriel to meet her eyes. Her vision was swimming so she couldn’t be exactly sure who she was looking at. Sabriel tasted blood in the back of her throat and she spit it in her onlooker’s face. For this she received a kick between the legs and she doubled over. That got a reaction!

“A boy?! No! I knew there was something out of place with you but now I realize you are more pathetic than I originally thought.”

The youngest of them? Wasn’t she Sabriel’s age? No. A year or two older maybe. Sabriel puked up the contents of her stomach and was kicked again in the groin.

She was yanked up again by her hair.

“Any last words, freak?”

Sabriel gathered up all the composure she could manage and then looked her attacker straight in the face and said with an intensely calm demeanor, “I will pray for your soul.”

\------------------

Cold water was poured over her and she jerked awake. Her head was partially submerged in a puddle of her own vomit, every inch of her was bruised, and she had lost a substantial amount of blood; she felt lightheaded but then had such a piercing headache. She opened her eyes slowly.

Standing over her was a man. No, not just a man, the captain!

She wet her tongue (surprisingly the only thing not wet) and stammered, “I can explain…”

“No need. I’ve been watching you. You are a very able seaman. You do as your told, you don’t ask questions, and you don’t ask for help. You keep to yourself so that’s all I know but I can gather how you came about these… circumstances.”

Sabriel sighed and slowly pulled herself from floorboards. Head and her hands she asked, “So what are you going to do to me now?”

“Get you medical attention? Isn’t that what you do with a shipmate that’s been injured?”

“No I mean after that.”

“I don’t think I follow; you heal up and then you get back to work. I don’t appreciate slackers on my ship for any reason.”

“So we are just going to ignore this whole thing happened then…?”

“Of course not! The cabingirls probably need some relief from latrine duty for a couple weeks.”

“So I should report to…”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Get yourself to the ship surgeon! And say, you have limber-looking hands; do you think maybe you could help the man out a bit? The surgeon’s man took ill at the last port and I haven’t been able to replace her; the poor lad has been working the infirmary all by himself and he looks rather worn out, to be frank.”

“...I…”

“If you are arguing the captain’s orders…”

“Oh, no! I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good.”

“Thank you, Captain…”

“Captain Stephano Kaar.” He bowed removing his hat. “At your service madam.”

She stuttered.

He continued, “It seems that the Sabriel might be a bit different than what you are currently used to; you will learn in time. It is a shame I didn’t get to meet you sooner and under more pleasant circumstances.” He extended a hand.

She took it and he used it to lift her up. “The… Sabriel?”

He looked a bit insulted at that. “Why yes. Did you not bother ask the name of the proud vessel you sail on? No matter. We will talk again, I am sure. Now off to the surgeon with you, Captain’s orders.”

She turned to leave.

“Oh, and next time, punch them back.”


	4. Interlude: The Champion

“Your guard needs to be HIGHER!” Stephano Kaar snapped at his new student.

Sabriel brought her arm up a few inches and successfully parried a blow to her skull. They had been at this for the better half of the morning and it had become abundantly clear that she knew absolutely nothing about fighting or weapons or anything! Though, the captain was a good teacher. Still she was sore and tired and it wasn’t hard to disarm her even when she was fresh on her feet. But now…

“LOWER NOW!”

Sabriel took in a breath and wasn’t quite fast enough to block the blow that knocked her off her feet. Down she fell and clattered to the deck winded, with the breath knocked out of her. When she found it again, she sighed and went to straighten herself up.

The captain leaned against the starboard rail and sighed. “How do you expect to take on an attacking ship, in the middle of the tumbling waves, when you can’t even keep your balance when we are docked? You said you’ve sailed on no less than a DOZEN ships and still haven’t learned to defend yourself? Heavens lass! How are you still breathing?”

It was true; after all this time, Sabriel hadn’t taught herself even how to throw a proper punch. For some reason, it just never had occurred to her that she needed to or something. While, she had mostly sailed on merchant vessels which kept closer to the coast, and never had been able before to hold a position on a ship for more than a year, it was clear now that she really should have taken some of her spare time to train martially, at least. She shook her head at the incredulous man before her. “I do not know, sir. Luck I guess… sir.”

Stephano shook his head back at her. “No lass; you need to be thanking Naresh and Bashixun on a daily basis. Naresh because no ship you’ve been on has been hit by one of her storms yet. I know this because you’d’ve been tossed to the depths with your lack of balance and impeccable ability to find those wishing you harm. And Bashixum to fill that thick skull of yours with knowledge. You’ve been surviving on wits thus far and have a lot to learn.” He brought his voice down to a whisper and leaned in closer. “And between you and me, an occasional offering to the eristrufa wouldn’t hurt in your case.” He looked off and away.

Sabriel thought about all of this. Offerings and prayers to the spirit of storms of the lord of the surf made sense. In fact, she should have been thoughtful of that all along! But the eristrufa were demons a sailor set on their enemies; though the captain looked as if he thought she’d need the help. She glanced back down at her wooden training weapon; she would have to work much harder at this to deserve the respect and concern she was receiving from this man.

\--------------------------------------------

Guard up, parry, riposte, feint port side and then quickly attack above the guard. 

Sabriel was making progress. It had been weeks since she had allowed herself to fall to the deck. Each training session had taught her things about herself, her body and how it worked, how it fought. For example, the short sword she was using now did nothing to amplify the tremendous reach she was growing into. It would seem that she was hitting adulthood at rapid rate, already over 6 feet tall, she towered above her peers. And of course, the reach came with the territory. 

This bout was almost over as her opponent was tiring quickly. Sabriel calculated a strike to the elbow which sent the weapon flying for her opponent’s hand and brought up her sword edge inches from their throat. The audience they had gathered cheered! The topsman who had lost nodded shallowly to avoid the blade and Sabriel disengaged. 

She turned around at to the only noise she cared about, the sound of the captain’s applause. The man was adorned in what many would call show garments and he held in his hands two long weapons. It was a pair of halberds, one with a blue handle and one in a light bronze, as close to gold as mortals would use. He gestured to her with the bronze one now. “Why don’t we see how you fare with a weapon more fitting of a champion.” It was an interesting statement as halberds were a more common landsmen choice but Sabriel smiled and accepted the offer.

A voice rung out anonymously from the gathered crowd. “Sir, this is hardly a fair fight as she has dueled three challengers without rest.” It was true, Sabriel was visibly sweating and there had been a slight shake in her step during the last fight. However, the captain just smiled.

“Trust me ladies and gents, no one wants to be on the other side of this blade when she is rested.” That boast was most assuredly for affect, as Stephano certainly loved to set the stage when he was to be involved, but it wasn’t a completely falsehood as Sabriel certainly took to the halberd like no other weapon she had ever encountered. 

Always testing her, the captain was. She accepted the weapon, bowed in respect to her opponent and took up the starting position for the match.

\--------------------------------------------

Sabriel wiped the blade of her weapon on her pants leg. It was quiet now; how many had survived that attack of the 48 they had in their company? Maybe 20. The enemy fared worse; she watched their ship sink into the depths. Zhuziao would likely feast tonight on that offering; he had never been her chosen lord and master but he must have seen a path in her favor for events to occur as they had. 

All of her comrades had been wounded in the fight which had taken the lot of them by surprise. Up all night drinking, her mates had been not as right this morning as they could have. The cargo hold was all but untouched by the ruckus as were the sleeping corridors, the kitchen and infirmary. That was not the case for the entirety of the top deck. Fires were being slowly quenched by the rain but the havoc they had caused was still rampant. There were unmoving bodies, broken glass, and discarded weapons everywhere. The remaining crew who could move themselves had already pulled out and dumped over all of the deceased who were not their own. That meant that all of the bodies Sabriel could see were people she had known for years, lived with for years, and now they had been taken from her. She clenched her fist angrily.

“Miss…” a voice behind her said.

“I know Gwen… we need to start wrapping them up for the ceremony tonight.” She turned to look at the older woman. Gwen hadn’t been injured as badly because she had been up in the crow’s nest when the attack had started. However, Sabriel knew that the woman was fatally wounded on the inside because Gwen had witnessed her wife being brutally slaughtered below her. Sabriel rested a hand on her shoulder. “Never mind that, I will take care of the preparations; why don’t you see that the captain is comfortable? We still need him to get us… back to shore.”

Sabriel did not normally have this kind of authority with the crew; sure, they all respected her as a medic and as a fighter but she still didn’t rank. However, the captain was in bad shape, do to a large gash in his calf and could not use it to support his weight, right now. The first mate and the kubernetes hadn’t made made it. Sabriel’s boss and mentor was busy with all of the injured and the rest of the crew was simply too broken, one way or another, to do what needed to be be done now. 

Sabriel placed her bronze halberd and the ground and picked up a handful of sheets and a canteen of pitch and animal fat and got to work.

\--------------------------------------------

Sabriel didn’t have to see the person walking towards her to recognize the sound of his gait. The way Stephano Kaar walked previous to his injury was only more accentuated by it.

“Good evening captain, the weather’s as good as it could be and, as the gods would have it, we have set a running course for Arjuf to resupply and rest. I’m not much for the Blessed Isle but the crew needed a destination to think about; having Ledaal and Vneef near by has a certain connotation of safety, I think. How goes it with you?” She turned to look at him.

The man made quite the effort to hide his discomfort as he set himself down against the starboard side rail but Sabriel didn’t miss the grimace as his leg twisted ever so slightly. He looked tired for sure and Sabriel couldn’t help but be concerned as his assigned physicker. He smiled as he noticed this concern.

“I believe this next voyage will be my last; I do not think the new crew that we will pick up at port will see me as fit to command this ship… but I can’t bear to leave her without seeing the repairs finalized and have the knowledge that she is in the hands of someone I trust.” He looked her directly in the eyes and Sabriel gasped before she could think about it and then she shook her head vigorously.

“I couldn’t... I really couldn’t… I’m not a leader… I’m not a captain… She’s yours…”

He held up a hand to stop her. “You pulled her out of those waves that last time. YOU did, not me. You can keep your head and faith in the deadliest of storm. You are the hero. This is going to be your story and you are going to want to be writing it not me. There’s nothing else I can teach you.” He gestured to the halberd leaning against the rail, glinting in the sun. “My last voyage and then the Sabriel is yours because no one else deserves to bear her name but you.”

Sabriel responded calmly. “We will talk about it again when that voyage is over.”

“Yes, we will.”


	5. Interlude: We’re not lovers

The chapel was small, it appeared as if it didn’t get a lot of use. Such a shame; it was very pretty. The walls were stone, you didn’t see that anymore, and there were stained windows woven into the the structural pattern. All gods were represented here; it was actually very fitting.

Sabriel looked around at the assembled compatriots; they were quite the motley crew. She thought back to the visions of Matra’s past she had had. So, the Moorish bloke in the front must be Knott; he looked like he could use more sleep; his crazy eyes were nothing of the fatherly figure Matra thought of him as. The scrawny one to the side must be Jin; Sabriel almost giggled out loud before she caught herself. Danzig to the right side of Knott; he was attractive if not a bit burly. Terror seemed small in comparison to how Matra saw her. Where was Marian? Surely, a woman who had meant so much to the small Zenith would not miss the funeral! How disrespectful! How dishonorable! Sabriel let none of this flash across her face as she introduced herself and offered her services.

A pair of eyes flashed in the darkness at the idea of Matra becoming someone’s next meal. She knew those eyes! But Anja was gone just as soon as he arrived or, at least, he was out of view. Sabriel knew he was still close.

Apparently, the ceremony she had in mind was too much of an inconvenience for the party to stay for. Sabriel reminded herself that she had been off shore for a long time and that the practices of landsmen are undoubtedly going to mystify her for awhile. She ushered them out so she could finish the service and burn the body in peace.

Once she was done, she felt his presence draw closer. She turned around to address him and was about to voice her condolences when he cut her off.

“Don’t say a thing. You don’t know me and you don’t know her. You don’t know what she meant to me or how much this hurts. You can’t even begin to understand it…”

“I know that you were lovers…”

“No. She was my best friend. She was the best thing in my life and now she’s gone. She taught me about living. She taught me that tickle fights and watching the sunset are some of the most important parts of life. I ran across Creation for that! Just for that!”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because maybe Matra will hear me through you and know that I am sorry I wasn’t there to protect or go with her. Maybe you will take a hint and never try to talk to me again. Maybe you will listen and when you find someone that special you will never let them go…”

The chapel froze into an uneasy silence. Sabriel wished that she could just take those few steps to wrap the lunar up in her arms. She wished she could bring his mate back so he didn’t hurt like this. Unfortunately, she could do neither of these things. He didn’t want her sympathy or even her empathy. He didn’t want to be told that everything would be alright, that Matra had gone peacefully and they would be together in another life, or that he would learn to live on and maybe find someone else. No, there was nothing she could do to ease this.

Well, one thing. Sabriel held up the small jar of ash.

“She would want you to have it.”

Anja’s face raised from previously staring at the ground. His eyes came back into focus. He nodded once and took the jar. She could barely hear his muffled “thank you” before he was gone.


	6. Love better believe in me

Sabriel looked from her closet to the outfits her daughter had arranged on the bed.

“I’m think I’m going to be sick… could you call and cancel it for me?”

Ellodie made a pouty face and put her hands on her hips. “This is going to be an awesome night; I’m not letting you back out of it.”

“But… none of these look right and I don’t really date… I… I’ll probably faint and end up in a coma and that would look bad and then I’ll be a failure and…”

“Mom…”

“… nobody will want to go on dates with me ever again and then I’ll end up alone and I knew this was a bad idea; why did I let you talk…”

“Mom!”

Sabriel stopped speaking being startled out of a strain of thought that left her shaking. “Yeah… what?”

“It’s going to be okay. He’s going to love you.”

Sabriel looked at her daughter uncomfortably but took a deep breath and held up the two outfits. “O… kay… green or gold?”

Ellodie looked over both sets, critiquing each in turn. After five whole exhausting minutes that felt like longest minutes of Sabriel’s life, Ellodie nodded and smiled. “The gold one will bring out your eyes.”

Sabriel looked at the outfit and sighed. “Okay… but I don’t have shoes or jewelry…”

She stopped and looked up at Ellodie’s giggling face; in her hands were two boxes, a small and a large. She stared down and the sparkling flats and the string of red and blue beads.

“You didn’t…”

“Of course I did! Now get dressed so I can do your hair.”


	7. Some In Game Quotes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might be the only one that finds these funny but hey well they're here (And not formatted particularly well oops) XD

**Advisor:**  We’re gonna sit the princesses down, get them drunk and full of food, and make ‘em make peace. Sound like something you’d be on board with doing?  
**Sabriel Kaar:** I suppose its part of my nature now to negotiate isn’t it…  
**Advisor:**  So, Is that a yes?  
**Sabriel Kaar:**  eh sure… i guess i can take some time to be dragged to a thing focused around stuffy people who need help making friends…

—————————————–

**Advisor:**  … Are you part Lintha by any chance?  
**Sabriel Kaar:**  you know.. people keep asking me that and honestly… i’m part deadbeat and part literal scum of creation so I’m not sure there’s room

—————————————–

Sabriel: On the bright side, since we know we'll see her she loses the surprise factor.

Marian: I don't think it works that way but I admire your optimism.

Sabriel: So to the tower then?

Marian: Best thing I think we can do for ourselves.

Sabriel: That's the spirit! No need to be depressed about our violent and imminent deaths; they'll happen either way so we might as well smile while we have teeth.

Marian: Morbid optimism?

Sabriel: I like to think of it as "the blunt realization of my inevitable demise" but sure, that's a more concise way to put it.

—————————————–

We’re stuck in the Advisor’s dream (the Scarlet Empress) and it turns out we’re back in time when the Primordials were still around so let that bit sink in. We’re attacked by giant predatory lizards Sabriel takes it upon herself to start talking to one and manages to remove it from combat by confusing the heck out of it.

Okay but, DINOS HAVE ETHICS COMMITTEES!

—————————————–

I just want to help one friend become the asshole they once were, carry another through lava, and sing a third the song of my people so she stops stabbing me; you know, girly stuff.

Sabriel Kaar 

—————————————–

Sabriel Kaar: I am being one with the ground; what more do you waNT FROM ME?!?!

Coyote: no no no! Wrong! I said Make the ground one WITH YOU. That's NOT THE SAME THING!

Sabriel Kaar: godDAMNIT! 

—————————————–

Sabriel, about the Bull of the North’s son: Oh no he’s hot!

The Bull’s son, about Sabriel: Oh no she’s hot!

And that’s why you can’t take the party to war

—————————————–

**Sabriel:**  You people seem to love contemplating death.

**Marian:**  I’m not contemplating death! Marsilia would never kill me, we’re fine.

LATER

**Marian:**  I’m going to protect that Spear or die trying

-Sabriel stares into the camera-

—————————————–

Deliberative meeting: Realm politics blah blah blah

Queen Felicity: Very thorough. Sabriel? Should I even ask?

Sabriel: *playing jump rope with a kid in the next room with her mind*

Sabriel: I'm 48 monkeys into not this conversation.

—————————————–

Spends Exalted session instructing the daughter of the Unconquered Sun on how she should raise her kids.  
Casual.

—————————————–

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Can I trust you Sab?

Sabriel Kaar: ... what have i done to deserve that question?

(Knott of the Crystal Empire holds his hand out, a single mote of holy magicks hovering just above the palm)

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Coyote seems useful, and remarkably helpful. I get nervous when things go well.

Sabriel Kaar: and this reflects back to me because?

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Coyote, who're you here with?

Sabriel Kaar: You know the answer to that question Knott.

Coyote: Technically… Just with myself

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Sab, you know me. Terror is both abyssal and infernal, that's not actually a problem. But I like to know. You weren't around for Trixie.

Sabriel Kaar: I dont know what you did in your last world but you dont get to play judge and executioner when it comes to me. you have no right.

Knott of the Crystal Empire: "Rights are not granted but taken, and once taken they are held tightly or lost."

Sabriel Kaar: people make choices i believe its this thing they call living. how i given you any reason to believe i have gone out of my way to decieve you?

Knott of the Crystal Empire: You haven't given me any reason to think you've deceived me. We're alike in that neither of us is subtle…. but I'm versed enough in it to notice you never said yes.

Sabriel Kaar: Fine. You want to talk about this now then then just ask me outright. I want to hear you say the actual words that I know you are thinking.

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Evidence points to you being an akuma of Coyote. At the basic level, that's a trade of service for service. I want to know if either of those are going to come back and bite me and mine.

Sabriel Kaar: That wasnt a question...

Knott of the Crystal Empire: No. I asked the only question I actually care about, and haven't gotten an answer.

Sabriel Kaar: I was asked to be a handler and I said yes on the account that I need to protect MY pack. That includes you, that includes Marian, that includes Terror and Ellodie and Bedlam and every DAMN person I see the smiling face of everyday. And YOU have the NERVE to ask ME if I am the trust worthy one?! I should be asking you! These people mean everything to me; to you they are just useful tools. 

—————————————–

Ellodie Khepri: . . . I guess I sometimes forget I'm not a part of their family

Sabriel Kaar: what are you talk about kiddo? of course you are part of it

(Ellodie Khepri shrugs, looking gloomy)

Sabriel Kaar: okay... well why do you want to be apart of it?

Ellodie Khepri: . . . Because I don't like mine

Sabriel Kaar: what dont you like about your family?

Ellodie Khepri: I don't want to sound ungrateful

Sabriel Kaar: you won't i promise

Ellodie Khepri: It's just. . . Mother is so distant. I understand why, she's very busy, but. . . Even when she's at home, she barely looks at me (saying all this in a rush). Like she's ashamed of me or something. And I never met my father. I suppose he took off after he claimed his prize for winning the All Heroes tournament.

(Sabriel Kaar waits for Ellodie to slow down and then stops bends down so that she's eye level with her. and then forces her to look her in the eyes)

Sabriel Kaar: listen very closely to me, you have never done anything that your mother would be ashamed of. she is so very lucky to have you as a daughter. if she isn't immensely proud of you then she doesn't deserve you. if you want to find your father at some point we can try to make that happen but it is becoming abundantly clear that neither of these people are responsible for the beautiful person you are. you did that yourself and you should be very proud of that. i know i am.

(Ellodie Khepri sniffles)

Sabriel Kaar: hey. hey. whats those sniffles for?

Ellodie Khepri: I wish. I wish you were my mother. And not her

Sabriel Kaar: ...

(Ellodie Khepri snuggles up to Sab)

Sabriel Kaar: i um... i...

(Sabriel Kaar hug)

Ellodie Khepri: I'd much rather be a Kaar then a Khepri

(Ellodie Khepri sniffles again, wiping her eyes)

—————————————–

And it finally hit her… what had she just done?

A creature of darkness now, did that make her “bad”? Did somehow in trying to be strong, in trying to be the best protector, had she crossed to the other side? 

The thought cut deep into her and she held Ellodie closer. She needed to be a light for her; had she failed? 

She said it again, “Everyone is GOING to be alright.” and in that moment she didn’t know who needed to hear that more, Ellodie or herself.

What had she just done?

—————————————–

Coyote: How to explain this...

Humans have the subsidiary creature Lungs, correct?

*Coyote seems to think organs are to humans what souls are to yozis. Coyote souls meaning his third and second circle souls*

Sabriel Kaar: interesting choice of words... sure we will go with that... i guess your not exactly the yozi of medicine... somehow i think ripping my lungs out may not have the same affect as killing one of your souls but hey i know nothing about this so sure go on

—————————————–

Coyote: So

This stone has substance, but at also has a god

Sabriel Kaar: sounds like a boring dominion. i can't imagine the guy is much fun at family reunions...

Coyote: But why does it need both?

Sabriel Kaar: i don't know reunions sound like a dumb idea to me too i mean what would they... ooooooh

one gives it life and the other gives it purpose?

Coyote: This is the answer to the question i posed earlier

Rocks in creations have gods to watch over them

rocks found in the wyld are just that, rocks

And just as quickly, they are somethign else

The god gives the rock the WILL to remain a rock

Sabriel Kaar: are you sure the rock is making the best decision? i'm not sure i'd WANT to be a rock given the choice

—————————————–

I mean after you’ve been traveling with a dynast turned solar/creature-of-darkness, what’s an akuma among friends?

—————————————–

 We are not our parents or what they want us to be. We are not our pasts and the pain we’ve endured. We our the future that we get to choose.

—————————————–

Marian: Now, remember, when talking one on one, you're always on the client's side, even if they're being a tad ridiculous. You don't want to invalidate anyone's feelings.

But you should still encourage critical thinking

Knott: Take their side, don't invalidate, encourage critical thinking, got it. So I should just shut up?

Sabriel: yes

Marian: Just don't say anything offensive ....so yeah, silence is golden 

—————————————–

Knott: Joke is I'm a Heartless Bastard

Sabriel: not exactly a joke, it stopped being funny forever ago

—————————————– 

Knott of the Crystal Empire: I think Danzigs gone and went to heaven

Jasper: Oh. I hope he doesn't die

Sabriel Kaar: me too. he's pretty attractive for an idiot

did i say that outloud?

Sabriel Kaar: blushes

Sabriel Kaar: forget it

Knott of the Crystal Empire: It's fine. Don't worry Sab,

It's not like we have a habit of mocking people endlessly for showing a tiny bit of affection. Oh wait

Knott of the Crystal Empire: smiles

Sabriel Kaar: hey i never thought you and Nerine were a thing. I just wanted to make sure

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Because you're the moral police of our unit?

Sabriel Kaar: I'd be attracted to you too if you didnt have this annoying habit of killing EVERYONE

Knott of the Crystal Empire: Hey, I take offence to that

Sabriel Kaar: and someone has to be

Knott of the Crystal Empire: You're alive. Jasper here's alive. Wind dancer is alive.

Jasper: No thanks to you

Sabriel Kaar: no thanks to you


End file.
